


Together or Not at All

by ScarlettSiren



Series: Nōmenclātūra [8]
Category: ATEEZ (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, Arguing, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Bigotry & Prejudice, Biting, Blood Drinking, Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Character Turned Into Vampire, Fantastic Racism, Hongjoong reminds us he was an asshole in ANFTD, M/M, Multi, Multiple Partners, Narcissism, Not the sexy/kinky kind of narcissism kids, Polyamory, Psychoanalysis, Smut, Therapy, Toxic Behavior, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vampire Turning, Vampires, references to abusive parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:00:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29616039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarlettSiren/pseuds/ScarlettSiren
Summary: It should be a difficult decision, Hongjoong insists. The hardest you’ll ever make. But Yunho doesn’t feel that way. It feels inevitable, like the next logical step, to allow Seonghwa’s coven to turn him. Jongho, on the other hand, isn’t given a choice.Or, the tale of two humans and the coven of vampires which became their family, who welcomes them with open arms into the world of night.
Relationships: ATEEZ Ensemble/Everyone, Choi San/Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Everyone/Everyone, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Nōmenclātūra [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1344856
Comments: 98
Kudos: 148
Collections: Collection - Another Name for the Devil





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again my lovely readers! Thank you SO much for 40k hits on ANFTD!! I return to answer the burning questions some of you may have had since reading the OG fic: “Do Yunho and Jongho ever become vampires? When? How?”
> 
> Fair warning!! You are going to see some unhealthy dynamics here. You are gonna see some shitty behavior. You are going to see coddling and enabling and petty revenge. BUT it is all addressed, called out and resolved. It is not framed as acceptable within the narrative or romanticized in any way.
> 
> If you somehow ended up here and you haven’t read Another Name for the Devil, I highly recommend that you do so before reading this! It won’t make much sense out of context!
> 
> For reference, this is probably approximately 3 years after the start of ANFTD by now, but I purposely keep the timeline vague. I may add some stories that take place before this one in the future.

Yunho knew it would be a difficult conversation, but nothing had prepared him for _this._

Yunho had decided he wanted to be turned. It was not a decision he had made lightly. It was not a passing whim he’d woken up with on that particular morning. No… he had given it months of thought and plenty of consideration. He had talked through his feelings and concerns with Seonghwa on numerous occasions. He had discussed it with San and even Mingi, since he’d decided he wanted both of them to be involved.

Yunho knew that telling Hongjoong would be the hardest part, but he apparently had underestimated just how hostile the hunter’s reaction would be.

San and Mingi had both already worked out the logistics with Yunho, including a date and time. They had ensured Seonghwa would be around to monitor Yunho’s transition into vampirism, to be certain that the process was followed through correctly. Yunho had even told Jongho, who seemed entirely unfazed to hear it. He had merely hugged him, congratulated him and told him he was happy for him.

Hongjoong, however…

Hongjoong’s reaction was… extreme.

Yunho knew that Hongjoong didn’t handle emotional sit-downs very well, so he instead chose to ease him into the idea casually. But every small mention of being turned was instantly rebuffed.

In the kitchen, while heating up some leftovers, Yunho had chuckled and commented, “Can’t wait ‘til I’m a vampire and don’t have to worry about the late-night munchies anymore.”

Hongjoong had huffed and told him, “Don’t be so eager to throw out your humanity. I really miss traditional Korean food.”

Yunho couldn’t help but to roll his eyes, because that was never how he’d acted as a human. “Really? Because I remember you once saying that having to eat all the time was _inconvenient_ and that food was just fuel.”

Hongjoong grimaced, then. “Of course I said that when I was going on days-long hunts.”

Yunho had just frowned and tried to get his food down even though his stomach was suddenly in knots.

Every similar comment was met with equal ire.

Yunho would mention not having the same stamina as San and Mingi was inconvenient, and Hongjoong would just brush it off, insisting that the novelty of his humanity was probably more of a turn-on for them than he realized.

Yunho finally realized he needed to just… tell him. Rip off the proverbial band-aid.

He knew it might not go well, but at least it would be _over._

Except… Hongjoong took things far worse than he’d anticipated.

Yunho had decided he’d had enough with beating around the bush. So he just, told him. Outright and unmistakably clear, if at least a little hesitant.

“Hyung, tomorrow night, I’m going to have San and Mingi turn me.”

The silence that had followed the statement was _deafening._

When Hongjoong finally responded, it was with a clear air of confusion and concern.

“What? _Why?_ Are you sick? Is something wrong?”

“Huh? No, It’s just… it’s time, I think.” Yunho replied, wringing his hands. His heart was beating so loud he could hear it in his eardrums. He could only imagine Hongjoong was aware of it, too. “Every day I get older and I keep thinking ‘why am I waiting?’ There isn’t really any reason to stay human. I won’t be able to make certain weapons anymore, but honestly, those would only have been for Jongho since you can’t use them either. Plus with the coven’s monetary resources, you don’t really need me to be the one making your weapons anymore…”

“You’re worried about _aging?_ Yunho, you’ve barely reached your mid-twenties.” Hongjoong scoffed. “When you get to be Eden’s age, maybe then you should start worrying.”

“I don’t want to stay a human for that long.” Yunho rebuffed somewhat weakly. “I’ve thought about it a lot, and I want it to be now.”

“You’re being ridiculous.” Hongjoong argued. “Think it over some more and I bet you’ll come to your senses.”

“I _have_ thought it over, hyung. For over a year.” Yunho bit back. “I’ve talked it over with San and Mingi, even with Seonghwa. More than once. I’m only telling you now because I’m _sure.”_

“You’re making a mistake.” Hongjoong hissed. “This isn’t some… simple medical procedure. You’ll have to _die._ They’re going to _kill you,_ and then give you their blood to turn you.”

“I know that.” Yunho replied in a raw voice. “That’s a big reason why I… haven’t done it before now. I’m nervous—I mean, I’d have to be an idiot not to be nervous—but every day I spend as a human just feels like… time ticking away.”

“It’s not a curse to be human. You should be enjoying it while you can.” Hongjoong growled. “Why would you want to throw away your humanity like that? There’s nothing wrong with you! You aren’t sick or dying or—”

“Being a vampire isn’t a bad thing.” Yunho reminded him. “Everyone you love in this house is a goddamn vampire!”

“Not everyone.” Hongjoong murmured.

Yunho seemed taken aback by that, huffing in embarrassment. “Well—if you really do love us, then you should understand when Jongho and I want to make that choice for ourselves.”

Hongjoong bristled. “Jongho too?”

“Not that I know of, not yet, but it’s inevitable.” Yunho countered.

“Well maybe I can talk some sense into him.” Hongjoong huffed. “You clearly don’t want to listen to reason.”

“I’m not asking permission.” Yunho said slowly, unwavering. “Maybe I wanted your blessing, but it doesn’t change my decision. This is my choice.”

“You’re making the wrong one.” Hongjoong sniped, snapping up his jacket and stalking out of the room.

Yunho was too sure in his decision to feel doubt, but he couldn’t deny the ache in his chest at being refused the support of the one person he’d hoped would have his back.

His eyes burned hot with tears, but he wiped them away before they could fall.

***

Seonghwa set his book aside as soon as Hongjoong barged into his room, snapping the door shut behind him.

Even if he had not overheard his shouting match with Yunho some hours before, he would have been able to tell by Hongjoong’s demeanor that he was upset.

“You’re troubled.”

Hongjoong snorted. “You always could read me like a book.”

“That much hasn’t changed.” Seonghwa replied.

“Plenty that has, though.” Hongjoong murmured.

“Care to talk about it?” Seonghwa asked softly.

“It’s just… this business with Yunho and San and Mingi.” Hongjoong groaned. “I guess… you’re aware of it? He said he talked to you—”

“He has, and I am.” Seonghwa confirmed.

Hongjoong let out a shuddering breath. “He—he wants them to turn him. Now. Soon. And I—I just don’t…”

Seonghwa nodded pensively. “It goes against everything you have ever believed.”

“I mean, I’d like to think that I’ve grown.” Hongjoong grumbled. “But the moment he brought it up I just… _boiled_ with—I don’t even know. Anger? Resentment?”

“You did not resent Eden.” Seonghwa offered.

“Eden was dying.” Hongjoong reminded.

“You still feel that becoming a vampire is a choice to be made on one’s deathbed.” Seonghwa said, flatly not a question. “That Yunho would choose to be turned with no greater reason flies in the face of everything you have ever known.”

“I—yeah.” Hongjoong sighed. “It’s… it’s his choice, but I just… think he’s making the wrong one.”

“In the end, the choice is his alone.” Seonghwa told him, meaningful. “We can only offer our insight and our support.”

“I _can’t.”_ Hongjoong hissed, raw. “I can’t support him. Not in this.”

Seonghwa only frowned, as though it truly pained him to hear so.

Hongjoong laughed bitterly. “You must think I haven’t learned anything, that I’m still some stupid, ignorant—”

“Hongjoong I love you.” Seonghwa cut him off, ardent.

The hunter’s words caught in his throat and he struggled to swallow them down. “I know. I know. But… you do.”

Seonghwa pressed his lips together before answering.

“I think that you are young. There is so much about the world you do not understand… that you _cannot_ understand.” Seonghwa soothed, petting through his hair. “We trade time for wisdom. Understanding is not a destination. It is a journey. It is a constant learning experience. You will never know everything. _I_ do not know everything.”

“So what you’re saying is I’m an ignorant idiot now, but that I’ll get better eventually.” Hongjoong grumbled.

“Listen to me.” Seonghwa said, pulling Hongjoong in until he sat upon his lap, the hunter refusing to look at him and staring studiously at the ground. “For so long as we cling to it, we can only ever be the product of our own upbringing. You have done so much to become the person you are today. Your _own_ person. But there is always more to work on. And sometimes, we do not even know we still hold certain prejudices until they are staring us in the face.”

Hongjoong nodded. “I didn’t know it would bother me so much until he brought it up.”

“I know.” Seonghwa replied. “But Yunho needs your support, now more than ever.”

“I just… I don’t think I _can,_ Seonghwa, and I know that makes me a horrible friend, I know you must think I’m such a terrible person, but—”

“Hongjoong.” Seonghwa warned softly. “All you can do is your best.”

The hunter sighed heavily, frustration mounting.

“I love you.” Seonghwa repeated.

“Fine.” Hongjoong mumbled, pressing a kiss to the corner of Seonghwa’s mouth. “Prove it.”

Seonghwa’s face fell, because he knew that Hongjoong was only looking for a distraction, for validation in some other form.

He knew that, but he would indulge him regardless.

“How would you have me?”

Hongjoong raised an eyebrow. “You gonna ask every time, now?”

“I thought it courteous.” Seonghwa returned.

“You never used to ask.” Hongjoong reminded him.

“You never used to indicate another preference before.” Seonghwa reasoned.

“Well, this time I was hoping you’d have _me.”_ Hongjoong admitted.

Seonghwa nodded, dipping down to kiss his neck. “Very well.”

Hongjoong worried at his own bottom lip as Seonghwa prepped him. It was all a little clinical… at least compared to how he usually was. He didn’t offer teasing, loving or encouraging words, he simply worked him open and littered his thighs with gentle nips and kisses.

Seonghwa fucked him with all his usual fervor, but to Hongjoong, it felt like his mind was elsewhere. He seemed to zone out, his gaze falling upon the sheets next to Hongjoong’s head or the far wall but not on him, as it usually would be.

Something about it… stung.

“You, uh, you still with me?” Hongjoong asked with a somewhat strained, nervous laugh.

“Of course, my love.” Seonghwa murmured, dipping down to nip softly at the other’s neck. “Why would I not be?”

“You just seem… distracted, is all.” Hongjoong mumbled self-consciously.

“I am here, with you.” Seonghwa said softly, pressing it into his lips like a promise. “I love you.”

Hongjoong was sure that he meant the words, but they still felt hollow… because he knew he had disappointed Seonghwa.

Hongjoong just hummed in response, zoning out a little himself.

He suddenly felt just a little less invested in his idea of a distraction, but at least it was a distraction nonetheless.

***

Hongjoong barely slept the day before it was supposed to happen.

Seonghwa had exhausted his best efforts to tire him out, but he remained restless throughout the day, and by the time the sun had set, he was thrumming with agitation.

He made his way to the feeding room to get himself some blood, hoping to take the edge off… but it didn’t help as much as he would have liked.

As he made his way back upstairs, he could see preparations being made already. The door to San’s room was open, revealing that all his plushies had been moved to the window seat and a chaise lounge had been set up just outside their door. Seonghwa was standing there with Yunho, his hand cradling the human’s face.

“I know that this is… a very intimate moment, so I understand if you would wish for me not to be in the room.” Seonghwa told him, his voice gentle and reassuring. “But I will be right outside to monitor your condition, to ensure the process is completed correctly.”

Yunho just nodded, trying to manage a smile.

“I have gone over the turning process with San and Mingi numerous times. I have every faith in them.” Seonghwa continued.

“Thank you.” Yunho murmured, heartfelt.

“I will return when it is time… you ought to make yourself scarce for the moment, too. I believe your future sires wished to make the rest of their preparations by themselves.” Seonghwa said.

“Right, of course.” Yunho agreed.

Seonghwa offered him a kind smile before taking his leave. Yunho, however, halted when he saw Hongjoong.

He looked away, swallowing. He didn’t even know what to say.

“So, you’re going through with it?” Hongjoong finally spoke.

Yunho was the one bristling, then. “Yes. I told you already that my mind’s made up.”

Hongjoong huffed. “Well, don’t expect to ever have my blessing. You won’t get it. But it’s your life, so it’s not really my say, now, is it?”

Yunho stared at him for a long moment, and Hongjoong could see the precise moment at which his heart shattered. His eyes were welling up with tears but the set of his jaw was angry, his gaze sharp and his nose scrunching up a little like it only ever did when he was mad.

“You know, I thought you’d changed.” Yunho said, his voice warbling as he tried to keep it from cracking, to no avail. “And you did, but only to the point that it was convenient to you, huh?”

“Yunho—”

“All vampires are scum. Then it was ‘vampires are scum but Seonghwa’s all right’. Then Seonghwa’s coven was all right. Then it was all right for you to become a vampire because you were dying, but you almost let yourself die rather than make the choice. That’s where it stops, though, huh?” Yunho continued. “How long until you accept _my_ decision. How long until you realize it’s a choice anyone can make, at any time, for any reason?”

Hongjoong huffed. “It’s not that simple, Yunho—”

“But it is.” Yunho bit back. “It is, you just refuse to see it. Because your own mother chose to die rather than to save herself with a vampire’s blood. And you still can’t let go of that. Even after everything, you’re still holding onto that.”

“You’re _not_ dying, Yunho, that’s the point!” Hongjoong snarled.

“When does it become all right, then, Hongjoong?” Yunho asked, huffing an incredulous laugh. “When I start getting wrinkles? When I’m physically older than Eden? Or do I have to almost kill myself at my forge for you to say it’s okay?”

“That’s not what—”

“Isn’t it?” Yunho cut him off. “That’s all this is. You thinking it’s not right, because I’m making the choice before it’s made for me.”

“Becoming a vampire isn’t a picnic!” Hongjoong snapped. “It’s not some meaningless cosmetic surgery or a new tattoo, okay? It’s changing who you are—”

“No, Hongjoong… it’s changing _what_ you are.” Yunho corrected. “I hope you know that I never thought differently of you, after you turned. You’re still my hyung… my best friend… I didn’t—it never felt different, for me. I still loved you just the same.”

“Oh so now you’re gonna go for the heartstrings? Petty.” Hongjoong spat.

Yunho laughed in bitter disbelief. “This isn’t _manipulation,_ this is how I fucking feel!”

“Sure.” Hongjoong drawled, rolling his eyes.

Yunho’s hurt was quickly buried by anger. He was practically trembling with rage. “You know, you fucking suck. You wouldn’t know a goddamn genuine emotion if it bit you in the ass. The vampire civil rights equivalent of Mandela is in love with you and you know what? You don’t fucking deserve him.”

Hongjoong scoffed. “Fucking low, Yunho.”

“So is treating your best friend like shit for making the same decision Eden did, minus the duress.” Yunho bit back. “But here you are, fucking slumming it.”

“It’s not the _same decision_ without the duress, Yunho!” Hongjoong snapped.

“I know! And I want it this way!” Yunho shouted, his eyes sparkling. “I don’t want to wait until it’s too late! I don’t want to wait until something awful happens, until I’m two steps from death, until it’s a horrible moment that’s branded into my brain to have nightmares about for years and years—I don’t _want that!”_

Hongjoong just blinked, stunned.

“I don’t want to be turned while I’m scared and desperate.” Yunho continued, speaking softly once more. “I want to be turned in the arms of the men I love. I want to be turned surrounded by warmth and comfort. I want it to be a moment I can look back on fondly. I don’t want to hurt. Suffering is not the price we pay to become vampires. One day you’ll understand that.”

Hongjoong gritted his teeth. He wasn’t sure that day would ever come.

“Now, this is happening whether you accept it or not.” Yunho said, raw and determined. “So unless you want to hear everything, I suggest you go somewhere else.”

Hongjoong bristled, letting out a heavy sigh before turning on a heel and walking away.

Anger burned in his chest, but something else festered there, too.

It felt a whole lot like guilt.

***

Hongjoong probably should have left the mansion, but instead, he just ended up wandering it. He found his way to the security room, where Jongho was doing what appeared to be some intense research.

The moment Hongjoong entered the room, he minimized the window.

“Jongho.”

“No. Nope. I refuse.” The other replied, gesturing emphatically.

“What?” Hongjoong was confused. Was his tone really _that_ combative?

“I know you’re arguing with Yunho and I’m not getting in the middle of it.” Jongho explained.

Hongjoong rolled his eyes. “Oh, so lemme guess, you wanna play Switzerland?”

Jongho scoffed. “No, I wanna punch you in your stupid face, but I don’t feel like breaking my hand.”

“You too?” Hongjoong balked. “But you’re human! You don’t even let the coven feed off of you! You out of everyone should understand my point—”

“Ah-ah.” Jongho responded, as though he were disciplining a particularly unruly dog. “Don’t mistake my personal modesty and averse feelings toward certain forms of intimacy for prejudice. On that hill, you die alone, my friend.”

Hongjoong blinked. “Wow. Okay. So fuck me, then, I guess?”

Jongho snorted. “This isn’t _about_ you, hyung. This is about Yunho. But you realized you felt some type of way about it and chose to _make it_ all about your feelings.”

Hongjoong thought on that for a moment.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were calling me some kind of narcissist.”

“If the shoe fits.” Jongho quipped.

“I… gotta say, I wasn’t expecting to be ganged up on like this.” Hongjoong admitted.

“And I’m sure Yunho didn’t expect you to treat him like absolute shit over his choice, so I guess you can call it even.” Jongho replied.

“I don’t have to listen to this.” Hongjoong grumbled, taking his leave.

There had to be _someone_ in the house who could understand how he was feeling.

His manic pacing eventually led him to the common room, where Eden was lounging on the couch, leafing through a magazine.

He looked up just long enough to take in Hongjoong’s appearance, letting out a judgemental-sounding breath.

“Damn, you look like shit.”

“Didn’t ask you. Fuck off.” Hongjoong snapped.

“Uh, you’re the one disturbing _my_ peace.” Eden reminded him.

Hongjoong just grunted, throwing himself down on the loveseat caddy-corner to the sofa.

He sat there stewing for a few minutes, probably sighing angrily at least twice before Eden finally spoke again, setting his magazine aside.

“You know you’re being unreasonable, right?” Eden said flatly.

“Yeah, I’m fucking well aware.” Hongjoong grunted.

“I guess it’s like they say. Growth isn’t always linear or whatever.” Eden shrugged. “We had a lot of unlearning to do. As humans and as hunters. It doesn’t just happen overnight. I should fucking know. It’s pretty obvious you’ve made strides, but there are still beliefs tied to your emotions that are deeply entrenched. It’ll take a while to overcome stuff like that.”

Hongjoong narrowed his eyes at the other hunter. “Sounds like a roundabout way of telling me I’m wrong but I’ll eventually figure out why and get over it.”

Eden shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Seonghwa said the same shit.” Hongjoong admitted. “But like, with seventeen psychology degrees and a hundred decades of experience behind it, you know?”

Eden gave him a knowing look. “And then I’ll bet you batted your lashes and pouted at him until he fucked you ‘til you didn’t feel like a piece of shit anymore.”

Hongjoong bristled.

“Ooh, bullseye.”

“You just sound petty and jealous, you know.” Hongjoong snapped.

“Jealous?” Eden barked a laugh. “Why? If I walked my ass upstairs right now and asked Seonghwa to fuck me, do you think he’d tell me no?”

Hongjoong’s jaw clicked shut.

“Exactly.” Eden bit back. “Now get your head out of your own ass and support the guy who’s been supporting you in your career as a hunter all these years.”

“You say that like it’s that fucking _simple.”_ Hongjoong growled. “It took you like a _decade_ to trust Seonghwa.”

“It took me two minutes to trust Seonghwa.” Eden corrected. “It took me a decade to trust _myself.”_

“Right, okay, fine, whatever. I’m just the shittiest person on the whole fucking planet.” Hongjoong threw his hands up. “The worst friend. The most ignorant, hateful hunter ever known.”

“Wow… hyperbolic, overblown self-depreciation instead of real introspection. Did you pull that on Seonghwa?” Eden asked, rolling his eyes. “Is that how you manipulated him into taking a break from whatever reasonable suggestions he was making to fuck you?”

“I’m about to wipe that smug smirk off your face.” Hongjoong gritted out.

Eden snorted. “I’d like to see you try. Can you even reach?”

The answer to that question hardly seemed relevant when Hongjoong chose instead to tackle him to the ground.

Eden maneuvered them enough to avoid the coffee table, and they rolled across the antique rug for several seconds before Hongjoong managed to end up on top, taking a swing.

Eden just took it.

Hongjoong hit him again. And again. It felt cathartic, to let his rage bleed out in the form of aggression.

He’d never raise a hand to Yunho or Jongho, but with Eden, well. He knew that Eden could put him in his place, if he needed to.

Except he wasn’t, then.

It took Hongjoong more than a full minute to realize that Eden wasn’t fighting back.

He looked down at the hunter’s bloodied face and sat back in horror at what he’d done.

“Better?” Eden asked in a haughty tone, licking his lip as the cuts began healing.

Hongjoong felt sick to his stomach. “What the fuck… Eden… why would you…?”

“You seemed like you needed to destroy something.” Eden admitted, spitting blood onto the floor and avoiding the area rug in favor of the hardwood. “I figured, better me than one of the kids.”

“You think I’m that fucking unhinged?” Hongjoong hissed.

“I think you’re treating your lifelong friend and strongest ally like a goddamn pariah, so yeah.” Eden scoffed. “You know, you talk a good game, but you were expecting someone to tell you you’re not being unreasonable. You’re just pissed that not a _single fucking person_ in this house has your back.”

Hongjoong fisted both hands into Eden’s shirt, trembling. “It’s not that I’m _pissed…”_

“You might feel some sense of betrayal.” Eden said. “But how do you think Yunho feels? How do you think _any of us_ feel? You’re acting like becoming a vampire is some cardinal fucking sin unless we do it in a way _you_ deem acceptable. So… who should really feel betrayed, here? You… or us?”

Hongjoong didn’t know how to answer that.

He wasn’t sure that he ever would.

***

The time had finally arrived and Yunho was a mess.

He was trembling with nerves by the time he finally returned to San’s bedroom. He fussed about what to wear, then tripped at least four times on the hallway floor runner before he finally got his bearings.

When he opened the door, however, most of his tension bled away.

Crimson rose petals dotted the sheets, a trail of them leading to the bed from the door. Every table had candles flickering gently upon them, and a few standing candelabras had been brought in to decorate the corners. San and Mingi stood on the opposite side of the bed, wearing coordinating velvet robes.

They held their arms open for him, beckoning.

Yunho let out a wet laugh, tears springing to his eyes as he crossed the room to meet them.

He was immediately enveloped in their embrace, and any doubts that had begun to fester evaporated then and there.

He knew this was how he wanted it to be. He didn’t want to succumb to uncertainty and fear. He wanted to place his trust in Mingi and San, and let them take care of him.

The two of them just smiled at him as they started helping him out of his clothes, teasing him for being overdressed.

“Any amount of clothing is ‘overdressed’ in your eyes, San.” Yunho countered.

San giggled, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “True.”

He flitted off to fold the clothes over on a chair near the door while Mingi coaxed Yunho onto the bed, never letting him go. Yunho felt the mattress crunch a little under his weight, and he wondered if they’d put some kind of tarp down beneath the sheets to protect the mattress from what was surely going to be a lot of blood.

Yunho swallowed. He’d been bitten by both of them before, he’d been fed from, but never enough to…

He tried to will away the thought. He didn’t want to dwell on it.

“Ready?” Mingi asked, his own voice trembling a little.

Yunho nodded, pulling him in for a kiss. “Been ready. You?”

“Yeah!” Mingi squeaked softly, clearing his throat to try again. “Yeah. Just. A little nervous.”

“It’s his first time.” San drawled suggestively, grinning as he joined them on the bed.

“It’s yours too.” Mingi grumbled.

“I know. But I have faith in us.” San rebuffed, peeling out of his robe. Mingi followed suit, fumbling a little when he tossed it far from the bed.

San shook his head, ruffling the other’s vampire’s hair gently before turning back to Yunho. He then dipped low against the bed and slithered between the human’s legs, which parted for him as if on instinct.

“Do you want us to do it during, or after?” He asked coyly, running his tongue along the sensitive flesh of Yunho’s inner thigh before nipping gently.

“D-during.” Yunho rasped out.

San hummed in acknowledgement, taking the lube Mingi handed him then. Yunho dazedly realized he hadn’t even noticed the other had moved.

San snapped open the small bottle, drizzling it onto his fingers. “The way we usually do it?”

Yunho nodded emphatically, watching with dark eyes as San moved lower to press those slick digits inside him. While he worked him open, his tongue played along the seam of his thigh teasingly. It wasn’t long before Yunho was squirming and huffing, panting for air.

Mingi had slid in behind him, cradling him against his chest and stroking down over his ribs and his pecs as though he was trying to distract him… or to rile him up. Either way, it was working.

“Wh-what about you?” Yunho stuttered out eventually, groaning and jolting under their touch.

“Mingi will be the one bottoming for you tonight, and don’t worry… I made sure he was _more_ than ready.” San cooed, punishing him for the question with a soft bite to the inside of his thigh. “Here, turn over.”

He didn’t wait for Yunho to actually move before grabbing his hips and bodily flipping him over. He practically face-planted into Mingi’s chest, chuckling and looking up at him with an awkward, cheesy smile.

“Uh, h-hi?”

“Hey.” Mingi chuckled, beaming. He drew Yunho in for a deep, languid kiss as the human was shoved into him further by a very eager San’s ministrations.

Eventually, though, San pulled back enough to speak, nipping at the curve of Yunho’s ass as he did.

“Why don’t you give Mingi your cock, baby?” He suggested sweetly. “And then we can start…”

Yunho shivered, nodding. Mingi shifted his legs a little further apart to give him enough room to prop himself up on his knees between them. San handed him the lube, but Mingi was already more than prepared for him, so he slicked up his own cock before pressing into him with a low growl.

“Mm… feel so good, Yunho…” Mingi groaned against his lips, running his tongue between their mouths and wiggling his hips a little.

“You, too.” Yunho murmured, starting to roll his own slowly.

He whined softly when San sunk his teeth into the meat of his thigh, drawing blood. He did not drink, however, just letting the blood ooze out of the wound until the vampire blood already in him began to slowly repair the flesh.

It had been nearly a week since Yunho had taken any blood from either of them, and that meant he wouldn’t be able to heal from such injuries for long.

“Okay?” San checked, peppering kisses around the area.

“Mhm. Only stings a little. Keep going.” Yunho assured him.

“All right.” San agreed, dipping down to do it again, on his other thigh.

Yunho jolted and hissed from the feel of it, but Mingi was quick to pull him into another kiss and encourage him to keep fucking him.

He lost count of how many times San bit him, but his thighs and the sheets were a mess of blood by the time San finally sat up on his knees and slid his cock along the curve of his ass. A wave of dizziness crashed over him, but he wasn’t sure if it was from the blood loss or the sheer want he felt.

“Ready for me, baby?” He asked, rutting against him.

“Nnh—yes, Sannie, please…”

“Shh, okay.” San chuckled under his breath a little at Yunho’s eagerness, but didn’t make him wait before giving him what he wanted. Yunho groaned low and deep as San entered him, the vampire lying down against his back and nudging up under his jaw.

“Mm, pretty.” Mingi whispered, watching Yunho’s face with rapt attention. After a long few seconds, he leaned in and kissed his nose.

“If you wanna slow down or stop, just tell us.” San said against the shell of Yunho’s ear. “But there’s gonna be a point where there’s no going back, so you have to tell us right away.”

Yunho shook his head vehemently. “No… I’m going all the way. I’m not afraid.”

“Okay.” San replied easily, smiling and nuzzling against his cheek. “We love you.”

“I love you, too.” Yunho responded immediately, feeling a little breathless as San stretched to kiss him just when Mingi leaned in to do the same. All he could do was trill with happiness, utterly content.

He knew that San didn’t love him in the same way that Yunho loved him, or even the way that Mingi loved him, but at the end of the day, it didn’t really matter… because San _did_ love them. 

San did not love in a way that was romantic but he loved _recklessly._ He loved with all that he was. Yunho could never ask for more than that… could never _want_ more than that.

At that moment, he was enveloped in love and adoration. He felt safe and cared for. That was all he wanted, all he needed.

San started moving, and Yunho’s hips fell into a matching rhythm of their own accord. It wasn’t long before Yunho was starting to feel breathless again, sweat beginning to beat along his brow and drip down across his temples.

He saw Mingi’s eyes meet San’s over his shoulder. They shared a silent conversation, perhaps a confirmation, and he thought he saw Mingi give the barest of nods before both of them were leaning in and sinking their teeth into either side of his neck.

Yunho jolted and gasped, shuddering as the initial sting faded into shocks of pleasure lighting up his veins with every pull they took.

They had known it would be difficult to drain him of most of his blood, even between the two of them. It was a logistical concern they had discussed a while ago. San and Mingi had gone several days without feeding to prepare, but even when famished, a vampire couldn’t generally drink more than a liter or two without feeling ill. Yunho would have close to five or six, and most of it would need to be drained to ensure the change would occur.

San had already started the process by bloodletting him with his earlier bites. It was up to them to finish it together.

By the first time the two vampires pulled back, Yunho was starting to feel much more dizzy and lightheaded. It wasn’t entirely dissimilar to the time he’d fainted between the two of them… and he was certain he’d pass out soon.

San brought his own wrist up to his fangs and tore it open, pressing the bloodied flesh against Yunho’s lips.

“Drink, baby. As much as you can.” He murmured.

Yunho nodded deliriously and sucked until blood poured into his mouth, swallowing it all down until the wound had sealed up and gave him no more.

“Good boy.” San cooed, the two of them leaning in to bite at his neck again.

Yunho thought he might have whimpered, but the sound seemed so far away to his own ears.

His senses were beginning to dull. He became hyper-focused on small things… on the way San’s nails dug into his hips as he pressed in deep and filled him with his come. On the mess Mingi was soon making between them, on how his body tightened around him, dragging Yunho closer and closer to the edge.

Mingi’s wrist was pushed against his mouth, next, the flesh torn open just as San’s had been. Yunho dutifully drank from him, shivering as the warmth flowed into him.

Somewhere between Mingi feeding him his blood and the vampires biting him for a third time, he became vaguely aware of his own orgasm… though the euphoric feeling was quickly drowned out by a deep, deep exhaustion that suddenly began to overtake him.

It was getting harder for Yunho to breathe. His chest was starting to feel tight, his lightheadedness becoming disorienting.

Still, he wasn’t afraid.

He murmured out soft _I love yous_ as he was rocked gently between the two of them, losing himself to the ebb and sway. His words must have been slurry and unintelligible, however, judging by the worried look upon Mingi’s face when he caught a glimpse of him between long, slow blinks.

His eyelids were getting too heavy to keep open, but he fought and tried anyway.

After a moment, fingertips ghosted over his face, shushing him gently and encouraging him to keep his eyes closed.

“It’s okay, Yunho. You can let go. We’ve got you.” San soothed, pressing his wrist against the human’s lips again. Warmth bloomed over his tongue as he opened up to him.

Yunho gulped down the flood of coppery liquid that entered his mouth and drew one last, shuddering breath.

He didn’t draw another.

The world was dimming further, his senses becoming murky until he was only aware of the taste of blood in his mouth, the warmth in his throat, and the cloying darkness beckoning him deeper.

He thought he might have heard Seonghwa’s voice, so distant that it was like nothing more than a shadow of a memory… and then, his world went black.


	2. Chapter 2

Yunho’s transformation was, Seonghwa claimed, the easiest he had witnessed yet.

“Yeosang’s was the closest, I would say.” Their patriarch told him, cradling his hand gently while he checked him over within minutes of his awakening the very next evening. “There was little damage his body needed to heal. He awoke quite quickly after the change. Which was rather lucky, since I had not even known I had turned him at the time, or even that I could do such a thing.”

“Wow. I can’t even imagine a vampire that’s lived so long that in their lifetime, how to turn someone wasn’t common knowledge among vampires.” Yunho murmured in awe. “But I guess… you weren’t turned by blood yourself. I remember reading about it in one of your interviews.”

“Quite right.” Seonghwa nodded. “Well, I’d say San and Mingi did a fine job. You’ll need to feed within the next day or so, whenever you feel up to it.”

“Now’s fine, actually.” Yunho said without hesitation. “I just kind of… wanna get it done with, you know? Don’t wanna make it a whole _thing_ or whatever.”

“Very well…” Seonghwa replied slowly, offering a somewhat hesitant smile. “I’ll escort you to the feeding room, then.”

The walk downstairs was a bit of an experience. Yunho was still getting used to his heightened senses, though he did not appear overwhelmed. Rather, he seemed quite fascinated by them. He just beamed, turned to Seonghwa and commented how he could hear the click of Jongho’s mechanical keyboard all the way across the house.

He could also hear what sounded like Yeosang and Wooyoung enjoying each others’ company a few rooms over, but he didn’t mention that.

Feeding ended up being… nothing special.

As he had with food as a human, Yunho drank rather voraciously, taking two blood bags in his first go. He didn’t bother with a glass, mostly because it just seemed pointless to him. Once both bags were drained, he gave a satisfied sigh and licked his lips, letting his eyes fall closed.

“Y’know, I thought I might find the taste weird, but actually, I guess becoming a vampire makes it taste… I dunno. Just… right?”

Seonghwa chuckled softly, disposing of the bags and reaching up to clean a drop of blood from the corner of Yunho’s mouth. “An evolutionary necessity of our kind, yes. Everything else tastes wrong. That is how we know what sustains us, without ever needing to be told.”

“Did you… know? In the beginning?” Yunho asked curiously.

“Ah… I’m afraid not. Not at first.” Seonghwa admitted. “But… I did eventually discover that blood was the only sustenance that would mitigate the incessant hunger.”

Yunho seemed to realize that it was a sore subject, and gasped softly. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry that was… wow, I’m such an idiot.”

“Not at all. Your curiosity is only natural.” Seonghwa told him. “I have never spoken much about that time in my life publicly because the media is fickle and unforgiving. Though I will admit… it is a part of my past I wish I could forget.”

“Consider it dropped. Like it never even came up.” Yunho told him, waving off the conversation. “Actually, not to just like, bail on you, but I was kinda hoping to, uh, to see San and Mingi again soon.”

“Of course. I am sure they are quite eager to check up on you again. They only saw you briefly after waking before I sent them off for your examination.” Seonghwa told him. “Shall we go and find them?”

Yunho nodded, smiling as he followed Seonghwa out of the room.

Things as a vampire didn’t really feel like they would be so different. Feeding wasn’t hard. He would grow used to his heightened senses with time.

It wasn’t until they ran into Hongjoong in the foyer that Yunho remembered just what he had been dreading about it.

Seonghwa’s greeting of, “Good evening, my love,” went entirely ignored. He’d barely glanced at Seonghwa before his gaze became fixed upon Yunho.

His light eyes. The pallor of his skin. The barest hint of fang poking out from beneath his top lip.

Hongjoong stared for a long moment, his hard expression and the tension in his stance saying everything he did not.

After several seconds—which may as well have been an eternity—he flinched nearly imperceptibly before turning away and striding out of the room.

Somehow, that hurt worse than being chewed out or bitterly screamed at.

At least then, Yunho could have fought back against his attitude, could have given him a piece of his mind.

But as it stood, Hongjoong seemed to be determined simply to avoid him.

Yunho wished the earth would swallow him whole, but he had no such luck.

***

San and Mingi were more than happy to see Yunho again, the former asking rapid-fire questions about how he was feeling and adjusting. Mingi was quieter, but held him and pressed his face into the curve of Yunho’s shoulder as they sat together, talking. He eventually expressed that it was hard to get used to the absence of his warmth and the once-familiar, comforting thrum of his heartbeat, because he’d grown to associate it with Yunho himself.

It got easier for him, though. Seeing Yunho smile with them, seeing him safe and sound and very much alive despite his lack of a heartbeat, it eventually drew Mingi back out of his shell.

For Yunho, however, things were getting harder.

It had been days since Yunho had heard Hongjoong’s voice, and he was quickly discovering just how much that took a toll on him. The fact that the last words they’d said to each other were so angry and argumentative was weighing on him.

Yunho knew _he_ wasn’t at fault… at least a first, he did. But as the days passed, he began to wonder if maybe he _had_ been at least somewhat in the wrong. Surely choosing to be turned with no greater reason than simply _wanting_ to be a vampire could be considered insensitive if your best friend had been forcibly turned while bleeding out and _dying_ at the hands of _another_ vampire, right? 

Yunho had to stop himself just short of posting the scenario on the internet to get a read on strangers’ opinions. He knew airing their private business on the web was a bad idea, and the kinds of forums he’d have to use were a mixed bag of anti-vampire bigots and complete fang-bangers, so he’d likely still feel conflicted regardless after reading what a bunch of strangers had to say.

Besides… the last time he’d made the mistake of utilizing the forums for a vampire-related matter, that had backfired spectacularly.

Yunho felt that familiar morose wash over him as he remembered that had been the two of them. Yunho and Hongjoong. They’d had each other’s backs when they went to Seonghwa to admit what they had done.

Seonghwa… who had been so understanding, who always had such wise words and kind reassurances.

Yunho let out a shaky sigh, finally dragging himself out of his chair.

Wallowing in misery didn’t suit him, and if he couldn’t talk to Hongjoong, he could at least talk to _someone._

The mansion seemed eerily quiet as Yunho headed back up into the main foyer. Seonghwa wasn’t in his study, he wasn’t on the veranda and he wasn’t in the library. Yeosang and Wooyoung were actually there, as they often were, lounging on their favorite settee surrounded by piles of journals and history books.

“Yunho!” Wooyoung chirped delightedly, jumping up to hug him. Yunho accepted the affectionate gesture dazedly as Yeosang walked over, a somewhat pitying expression on his face.

“How are you doing?” The elder vampire asked, heavy with meaning.

“The change isn’t nearly as intense as I thought it’d be. Hasn’t taken too much adjusting.” Yunho told him.

“And the… other aspect?” Yeosang asked gingerly. “With Hongjoong?”

“Oh. Uh. No progress there, yet. Unfortunately.” Yunho mumbled.

“I’m gonna skin him.” Wooyoung said in a terrifyingly serious tone.

Yunho blanched. “Please don’t.”

“I won’t, but I really do want to.” Wooyoung hissed.

“I can’t say I’m surprised nothing’s changed. Truthfully, Seonghwa's response to all this, at least in my opinion, has been a bit lacking.” Yeosang muttered. “He coddles Hongjoong. But that’s to be expected at this point. I know that Seongwha would not let it get too far, but regardless, just know that you have us in your corner.”

Yunho blinked in confusion. “H-huh? But… why?”

Yeosang chuckled softly, shaking his head.

“Wooyoung likes you. _I_ like you. You’re sweet.” He assured, splaying a hand over Yunho’s chest, above his now-silent heart. “Of course we have your back.”

Yunho tried in vain to stifle the shudder that ran through him, then, willing himself not to cry.

“I’d say that it feels like Hongjoong’s regressed to his old self, but honestly, this was probably inevitable.” Wooyoung said with a sigh. “He only ever carved out those exceptions in his mindset about vampires for us. Each and every time. He forgave Seonghwa for what he did, but I don’t think he really thought long and hard about why he hated him for it in the first place. If he didn’t confront that, then it’s no wonder he feels this way about you choosing to turn, now.”

“Think he’ll eventually carve out an exception for me, too?” Yunho asked, morose.

“Rather than an exception…” Yeosang began with a somewhat hesitant look, “He needs to unpack those prejudices and unlearn them. Otherwise, we will be dealing with tantrums like this every time someone challenges his idea of what is acceptable.”

“He needs therapy. And not from Seonghwa. He’s a biased party.” Wooyoung added. “But he’s proud, so the chances of that happening are slim to none.”

“Guess I’ll keep praying to become one of his exceptions.” Yunho grumbled, then, sounding less than hopeful.

In the meantime, he probably could have used a little therapy of his own.

***

Yunho eventually found Seonghwa, tucked away in his room.

He hovered in the doorway for a moment, hesitating. When the other vampire glanced toward him, however, he found himself speaking up.

“H-hey Seonghwa, did you, um, have a minute?” Yunho rasped, his voice cracking along with his resolve.

“Yunho. Is everything all right?” Seonghwa asked, setting whatever book he was looking over onto his nightstand.

Yunho pressed his lips together and frowned, shrugging and glancing aside. Tears were glittering in his eyes, though he was still valiantly trying to hold them back.

“Oh, Yunho, darling, come here.” Seonghwa beckoned, motioning until the other came closer and he could wrap him up in his arms.

Yunho melted into them, easy as anything.

He wasn’t sure how long he cried for. He wasn’t bawling… just weeping softly and soaking the shoulder of Seonghwa’s shirt while the elder vampire petted soothingly down his back with his fingertips, whispering kind reassurances.

Eventually, Yunho pulled back and sniffled, wiping his face on his sleeve. Seonghwa reached up to swipe away any errant tears, pity and sympathy marring his beautiful countenance.

He did not ask him what was wrong. He already knew.

“I am so sorry, Yunho.” He murmured, brushing his thumb over the other’s cheek. “Would that I could change his heart. Would that I could make him understand.”

“I know.” Yunho grated out. “I’m sorry for bothering you with it, I just—”

“No, no. Never apologize.” Seonghwa insisted. “Although, you admittedly surprise me, coming to my room… instead of going to Mingi or San.”

“I think I just… needed to see _you.”_ Yunho said. “I know ah—Hongjoong comes to you for comfort and I just… wanted that, too.”

“Mm. He has been avoiding me as of late.” Seonghwa told him. “I suspected that it had something to do with this business with your turning.”

“I said some pretty awful things to him, before.” Yunho admitted. “Because he just… he hurt me, he hurt me so much and it’s like he didn’t even know how much. Or maybe he knew, and he was hoping it would convince me not to go through with it.”

Seonghwa sighed. “We… often make the wrong choices under the influence of intense emotions. I know that it is likely of little comfort now, but I am certain that Hongjoong will come around.”

“I told him he didn’t deserve you.” Yunho mumbled. “I don’t even regret it yet. I know I will, but at that moment, and right now… I just wanted to hurt him as much as he’d hurt me.”

“Rather harsh, but understandable.” Seonghwa replied softly. “At least now I know why he has been so distant.”

“You think I’m an asshole.” Yunho guessed.

“I think you are in pain.” Seonghwa rebuffed gently. “Though I do politely disagree. Love is not about what one deserves. But that is hardly relevant. Whatever words you and Hongjoong exchanged is neither here nor there. Right now what matters is that this conflict has not come to a resolution, and it has left you hurting.”

“Is this the part where you ask me what’ll make me feel better?” Yunho grumbled. “Because I don’t even know.”

“As the coven’s patriarch, I do feel a certain responsibility to take care of you all, in all ways.” Seonghwa admitted. “So of course, if there is anything that I could offer you to ease your heartache, I am happy to do so.”

“Guess I’ve just never been the comfort-seeking type. I’m usually the one people come to for hugs, you know?” Yunho huffed a soft laugh.

“Mm, you do have quite the calming air about you.” Seonghwa agreed, grinning fondly. “San, especially, finds comfort in your presence.”

“Yeah…” Yunho murmured quietly. He smiled in a melancholy sort of way as he recalled having rushed across the country to go and comfort San when he’d had that breakdown during an important mission with Eden.

That was what Yunho wanted, more than anything. He wanted to be a source of comfort for others. He wanted the people around him to love him. But now, he was causing his closest friend to watch him do something he didn’t agree with, something that caused him to be resentful and distant.

When Hongjoong had been turned, when he was struggling with the implications of his new nature, Yunho had agreed to allow Hongjoong to feed from him for his first time without any hesitation. But now, Hongjoong wouldn’t even look at him, when the shoe was on the other foot.

He wanted to hate Hongjoong. He wanted to believe that it was the lowest he could go, to deny his best friend of the acceptance Yunho himself had so easily granted him. But he couldn’t… because he knew why Hongjoong felt that way. He knew the circumstances of his life that led him to hold those beliefs.

He couldn’t hate him. He almost… pitied him.

“Your feelings are conflicted.” Seonghwa spoke up, then, as though reading the gamut of emotions warring across his face.

“I want to hate him.” Yunho admitted, raw. “I do, but at the same time, I… I love him. I respect him. I just… I just want us to move past this, but now I wonder if I’ve done it in the wrong order.”

“Hongjoong is… a force. There is something inherently compelling about him… he has a certain charisma that makes it easy to fall into his orbit.” Seonghwa said wistfully. “Inherently, he is a good person. But he is, like all of us, ruled by his emotions. When paired with an upbringing filled with prejudice and propaganda, it makes for his rather volatile, reactionary personality. He is an avid seeker of justice, but until recently, his idea of justice was quite… skewed. And even after learning so much, he still clings to many of those long-held beliefs of his.”

Yunho frowned, staring at his hands in his own lap. Seonghwa’s fingers slipped into his field of view as he rested his own upon Yunho’s.

“I do not make excuses for Hongjoong, nor do I justify why he feels the way he does, or why he has been acting the way he has.” Seonghwa continued gently. “But I do find that such misguided beliefs are best overcome with a gentle hand. Aggression begets aggression. Hongjoong cannot understand why his beliefs are harmful until he is ready to confront his emotions on the subject and work through them on his way to the truth.”

“And… do you think he will?” Yunho asked softly.

Seonghwa pressed his lips together, offering a pained, but hopeful, smile.

“He has overcome the resentment that came with his own turning. I have to believe that he can in this case, too. Give him time.” He said delicately. “He does not realize it, but he is experiencing a sort of grief toward the loss of your humanity… grief which is not his place to feel. But, as with any other form of grief, he is experiencing all of the stages of it. I would say he’s reached the fourth, by now.”

Yunho thought about that for a moment. Hongjoong really had gone through the stages of grief right in front of him. First he completely denied every mention Yunho made of it, he became angry, he tried bargaining with him… and now he was sulking and avoiding everyone in the mansion, as though he was in a depression.

“Huh.” He murmured, revelatory. “So the next step… should be acceptance, right?”

Seonghwa nodded. “Yes, though we cannot know how long this current stage will last.”

Yunho frowned, losing what little hope he’d managed to feel in that moment. “Right.”

“In the meantime, I know that it pains you. I… cannot even begin to describe the anguish I felt during those days when Hongjoong treated me in much the same manner he is now treating you.”

“What did you do?” Yunho questioned in a hollow voice. “I don’t really… remember seeing you around much those days. I was so focused on talking to hyung, on trying to get him to come around. He wasn’t really reasonable back then, either.”

“What I did I do not recommend for someone such as you, Jeong Yunho.” Seonghwa told him, reaching up to cradle the other’s face gently in his hands. His cheeks were no longer warm… his skin the same coolness as his own. “You are deserving of love and affection. Do not lock yourself away from it. Instead… find comfort in it, in all of those who love you, until Hongjoong comes around.”

“Seonghwa…” Yunho began, his voice rough and his expression raw. “Would you… think less of me if I wanted that comfort from you?”

“Of course not.” Seonghwa rebuffed.

“Even if… even if some part of it was selfish and petty?” Yunho asked, a harsh whisper.

Seonghwa’s expression was piteous, then. “Oh, Yunho… whatever you need. Emotion is so often the antithesis of reason, but you are allowed your pain, and you are allowed whatever you need to overcome it. Whatever consequences arise… I will handle them.”

Yunho swallowed. “What if… what if I asked you to just—to fuck me hard enough to make me forget, to make me scream your name so loud that the whole mansion heard? Even him.”

“I am not offering anything to you which I would deny him.” Seonghwa reminded him. “If he asked me to receive him, I would. Withholding affection from him because he is experiencing a crisis of his beliefs is hardly conducive to overcoming the problem.”

“Right.” Yunho mumbled. “I dunno, I guess I just thought it might make him jealous.”

“A polyamorous relationship does not preclude the existence of jealousy… it merely requires the management and understanding of those feelings, and open communication.” Seonghwa explained. “Yeosang in particular struggled in the beginning with the latter aspect. He is, as you would say, of a rather petty nature. But the bond of a coven overcomes all. Remember that. We will always love and protect you.”

“Even if I want to be an asshole?” Yunho asked.

“Yes. I would not demand you be the bigger person any more than I could demand Hongjoong get over his current feelings and simply move past all this.” Seonghwa told him. “However, our actions, even ones made under the influence of intense emotions, have consequences. That being said, I will not deny you whatever it is that you need in this moment… and I will do all that I can to mitigate those consequences.”

Yunho inclined his head. “But…”

“...I would only ask that you consider what you truly need, and what will truly help you, now.” Seonghwa continued. “Whatever it is, I will provide you with it.”

“I… honestly don’t even know if any of that would actually help.” Yunho mumbled. “I just… I just want to stop _hurting.”_

Before he could stop it, his face had crumpled, the tears flowing freely again.

“I know… oh Yunho, I know, I am so sorry.” Seonghwa said, heartbroken. “Here, come here, shh, I know…”

He pulled Yunho against him fully, lying back against the pillows at the head of his bed and tucking the much taller man beneath his chin. Yunho shook and sobbed in his embrace while Seonghwa stroked a hand through his hair, over his shoulder, down his back.

He whispered sweet reassurances, over and over, pressing feather-light kisses to the crown of Yunho’s head.

Regardless that they were both still fully dressed, they remained tangled together through the day, eventually finding sleep when the sun rose.

If Hongjoong happened to glance through the open door as he passed Seonghwa’s room on his way to his own—the one he hardly used—if he saw them both wrapped around each other with Yunho’s face stained with the remnants of tears, he did not mention it.

***

Hongjoong was grumpy.

He’d been avoiding Yunho for days, but in turn, it seemed the rest of the coven was avoiding _him._ He’d asked Mingi a simple, inconsequential question earlier only to receive a dirty look and a sneer in response. He supposed that was fair, coming from one of the vampires who had turned Yunho… but he was beginning to feel like a pariah in his own home.

Admittedly, though, much of it was self-inflicted.

Although Yunho was spending a lot more time with him, now, Hongjoong knew that Seonghwa would be there for him, if he went to him. But after what Yunho had said, he just… couldn’t.

Some part of him felt like Yunho was right.

Regardless, he still couldn’t shake that sick feeling in his stomach when he pictured Yunho as he was now, with pallid skin and light eyes. A vampire.

He swallowed down the anger that began bubbling up inside him, continuing his manic hourly pacing of the mansion.

That had decidedly been a mistake. He thought to dip into the library to kill some time only to find Yeosang and Wooyoung there, as they often were. He really should have known; they were _always_ there.

Wooyoung’s hackles went up the moment he laid eyes on him.

“About what I said earlier…”

“Youngie…” Yeosang chided softly. “As much as it would bring me great pleasure, I really can’t let you skin him.”

Hongjoong startled. “What… the fuck?”

“You’ve got some balls to act fucking affronted.” Wooyoung snapped, getting to his feet. “I’m leaving before I do something stupid.”

With that, he stalked out the door. Hongjoong blinked after him, and when he finally turned around, he could see Yeosang had gotten to his feet as well.

“I can’t say I really want to be around you, either.” Yeosang admitted, rolling his neck. “The room’s yours. I think the section on vampire social oppression would do you some good to pick through.”

Hongjoong grimaced. “Really? I mean I know you’re a vampire but you’re not exactly close to Yunho.”

Yeosang looked at him as though that statement had been overly-audacious. “That’s how you see this? As us taking sides?”

“I mean, that’s kind of what’s happening.” Hongjoong grumbled.

“It must be lonely on your own over there in your ignorance, then.” Yeosang drawled sarcastically.

Hongjoong bristled. “That’s really how it’s gonna be?”

“I like Yunho. He’s sweet.” Yeosang said. “You… I don’t like you. I tolerate you because Seonghwa is obsessed with you for reasons I still cannot fathom. And here you are, once again proving that you aren’t worthy of him.”

“Wow.” Hongjoong replied flatly. “I had no idea you still hated me so much.”

“Hate is a strong word. Hate implies that I care enough about you to expend negative energy in your direction.” Yeosang corrected. “I don’t _hate_ you. I just find Seonghwa’s infatuation with you to be completely baffling.”

“Then why even put up with me?” Hongjoong snapped.

Yeosang blinked. “What an idiotic question. I just said my sire is infatuated with you.”

“You’re Seonghwa’s first.” Hongjoong reasoned. “In the beginning you could have… refused to let us stay here. Given him some kind of ultimatum or something.”

Yeosang scoffed. “I might be petty and spiteful but you have vastly misjudged my character if you think I would do that.”

“If you’re so petty then why is that out of the realm of possibility?” Hongjoong questioned.

“Because the coven comes first.” Yeosang told him. “It comes before personal feelings, before grudges, before jealousy, before _anything._ I can admit to some… petulant behavior in the past regarding Seonghwa and the coven, but at the end of the day, this family comes above all. If it had been such an issue that it caused friction for the coven, I would have gotten over myself and resolved it.”

“If the coven comes before everything else then why be so petulant about whatever it was?” Hongjoong countered.

“Because Seonghwa allowed it. He allowed me my jealousy and my resentment and by the time I realized that everything he had ever done was to protect and nurture each of us and that I was being unreasonable, the damage was done.” Yeosang admitted. “And, to be frank… I’ve always been rather prideful, so I refused to make amends. It caused somewhat of a… rift, between us. Of course, Seonghwa never held it against me, and things improved when our coven grew, after Wooyoung joined us.”

“In the absence of context, it’s pretty hard to get a read on the whole thing.” Hongjoong said.

“I honestly don’t care what you think of the situation, or what you could possibly learn from it. As far as I’m concerned, you aren’t worthy of knowing about that chapter of our lives.” Yeosang bit back. “Work on yourself on your own time, using someone else’s labor. Your emotional incompetence isn’t my responsibility.”

“No need to be such a dick about it, geez.” Hongjoong grumbled.

“I don’t owe you kindness or even civility just because we share the same sire and he likes to fuck you.” Yeosang spat. “But out of the kindness of my heart, I’ll leave you with this: Seonghwa and I are able to coexist regardless of my own transgressions because he is emotionally resilient and forgiving. Yunho, though? He isn’t a thousand-year-old vampire. He is young and new and fragile. Treat him like this for too long and reconciliation may end up being a bridge too far by the time you come to your senses.”

With that, Yeosang stalked out of the room in search of Wooyoung.

(He did not have to go far—Wooyoung had remained within earshot—and all but accosted him when he left the room.)

“Why is it so fucking _hot_ when you’re savage like that?” Wooyoung hissed, grabbing Yeosang and pulling him in. “You’re so mean but it’s _sexy.”_

“Mm, should I be mean to you, too, then, Youngie?” Yeosang drawled, chuckling as Wooyoung dragged him down the hall to find the nearest unoccupied room with a door.

Hongjoong grimaced, trying to put some distance between them and himself.

***

Things didn’t get much better in the following days.

Seonghwa approached him at least twice, with all the hesitance and care one might show a feral animal.

Hongjoong couldn’t handle it, and bailed.

He hadn’t so much as laid eyes on Yunho in almost a week, instead choosing to use his senses to ensure he was avoiding him. 

It was taking its toll on the coven.

Eden had disappeared on an investigation for a bit, and he hadn’t admitted it, but they all knew it was to avoid all the drama.

Hongjoong had half a mind to take on a hunt, but his head wasn’t in the game. He doubted Seonghwa would let him go without a fight.

A fight was on the horizon for him regardless when he stepped into the common room to find both Jongho and San standing there, as if waiting for him.

An odd combination. Were they even all that friendly with each other?

“Hyung, we need to talk.”

Hongjoong bristled. “I’ve heard it all already.”

“Then you’re gonna hear it again.” Jongho said. “This has to stop.”

“Sure, I’ll get right on that. Lemme just, undo the past few weeks, revert Yunho back to his human self and everyone can move on.” Hongjoong bit out sarcastically.

“Don’t be a jackass.” San hissed. “There isn’t any going back. You just have to accept it.”

“I don’t _have_ to accept a _damn_ thing.” Hongjoong snapped.

“Really? You’re just gonna keep this up? No matter the toll on this coven? On Yunho?” San huffed.

“He made a choice and now we’re living with it.” Hongjoong muttered.

“You’re not being fair on him.” Jongho ground out.

“You’re breaking his heart!” San cried, his voice thick and his eyes sparkling. 

“Do you think I want to feel this way?” Hongjoong asked in a raw tone.

“You can’t help how you feel but you _can_ help how you act, and how you’re treating him!” San countered. “You’re better than this!”

“Am I?” Hongjoong scoffed.

“Yes!” San practically shouted. “You were basically the standard! You were someone who gave Seonghwa hope. Because if even someone like you, someone raised in ignorance, someone with so much prejudice, could overcome it… then maybe that meant his message wouldn’t fall completely on deaf ears. Maybe hearts and minds could be changed.”

Hongjoong flinched.

“But now… it’s like none of that even fucking mattered because you can’t even accept that your closest friend wanted to become a vampire by choice.” San hissed.

“Guess I didn’t realize everyone’s expectations for me were so high.” Hongjoong mumbled.

Jongho was the one who barked a strained laugh at that. “High? Hyung, I get how you grew up, I get what happened with your mom—what happened with _you—_ but this is _Yunho.”_

“You’re right. This is Yunho… who knew about all of that, about what I grew up with, about what I went through, and he still made that decision like it was some flippant thing, like it was his idea of a date night.” Hongjoong retorted.

Jongho threw his arms up, leaving the room in a huff of, “Un-fucking-believable!”

“Wow, you’ve really managed to make yourself a victim here, huh?” San scoffed, shaking his head. “I’m done trying to reason with you. There’s clearly no point.”

He followed Jongho out, but he was already nowhere to be found in the hall or the foyer. He must have really booked it, or ducked into the arcade room just to get away.

There was movement to San’s right as he passed through the foyer. He turned to see their other resident hunter hanging up his jacket next to the front door, like he’d just gotten back.

San’s face crumpled. “Eden—”

The hunter startled, barely opening his arms in time for San to collapse into them, crying into his chest.

“Sannie, what’s wrong?”

Behind them, Hongjoong stalked past, snapping the door loudly behind him on his way down to the forge.

“You’ve gotta talk to him.” San wailed, muffled against the fabric of Eden’s shirt. “Yunho is wallowing in his sadness and all Hongjoong cares about are his own feelings. He won’t even acknowledge Yunho’s existence and it’s been weeks! You’ve gotta knock some sense into him!”

“Hongjoong doesn’t listen to me, either.” Eden mumbled, petting gently through San’s hair. “But I’ll try. Are you gonna be okay?”

San’s face was still contorted in sorrow, messily streaked with tears, but he nodded as Eden wiped them away. “Y-yeah, m’just worried about Yunho, is all.”

“Go be with him.” Eden murmured, poking at his dimple. “And try to smile for him. Right now I know he needs it.”

San barely managed one, and Eden patted his cheek gently before finally letting him go. He headed up the stairs, knowing he’d find Yunho in his room.

Eden headed for the forge.

By the time he opened the door, Hongjoong was unloading a pistol into one of the mid-range targets set up across the room.

When the clip was empty, he regarded Eden, but loaded another one. “You here to lecture me again?”

“Sounds like you still need it.” Eden said.

“Of course.” Hongjoong scoffed.

“Think we can manage to get through this one without violence?” Eden questioned. “M’not looking to get shot.”

“I’m not gonna shoot you.” Hongjoong growled, leveling the gun.

“Everyone’s—” Hongjoong unloaded the pistol, cutting him off. When the room fell silent, he began again. “—everyone’s just trying to figure out a way forward from here. Because it can’t keep going on like this.”

“So it’s just ‘fuck Hongjoong’s feelings’, and I have to get over it?” He huffed.

“You really resent him that much?” Eden asked softly.

Hongjoong bristled. “I resent the decision he made. Yes. And I don’t get why you don’t.”

“Because his decision has absolutely no bearing on me? At all?” Eden tried. “I mean, other than not having to worry about him fainting during group sessions anymore, or making sure he doesn’t go out in the sun or something? Why would I resent the choice he made for _himself?”_

“Because, it’s—” Hongjoong sighed. “We were forced, you know? I mean, you chose more than I did, but you were dying, same as me.”

“Do you think it’s something you have to _earn?”_ Eden questioned.

“No.” Hongjoong hissed. “I just think it’s something you don’t do lightly. I don’t think it’s something you do like it’s some sweet bonding ritual.”

“Everyone else in this house seems to disagree.” Eden replied.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” Hongjoong grunted.

“That didn’t clue you in that you might be wrong?” Eden questioned.

“It’s not just about what’s right or what’s wrong.” Hongjoong argued. “Maybe I just need a single fucking person to tell me my feelings are valid.”

“I don’t think deluding or enabling you is healthy.” Eden said. “You’re _allowed_ to feel the way you do, but you have to know that it comes from ignorance and prejudice. You _are_ in the wrong, here. And instead of working on it, you’re just… letting it fester, which isn’t getting you anywhere.”

“I’m working it out. _This_ is working it out.” Hongjoong countered, motioning to the ruined target with the empty pistol.

“I mean, this is releasing some anger, sure. But this isn’t getting to the root of your problem.” Eden rebuffed. “Look, I get it. I’m not really in any kind of place to tell you how you should be handling your emotions or whatever. But I guess I’m technically second-in-command for the coven, now, and since you won’t talk to Seonghwa, shit like this falls to me.”

“S’not like I even _can_ talk to Seonghwa.” Hongjoong muttered. “Yunho’s been monopolizing his time, as it is.”

“I know that’s not true so don’t lie to me.” Eden intoned.

“They _have_ been spending a lot of time together.” Hongjoong insisted. “I can’t tell if Yunho suddenly needs a ton of therapeutic conversation or if he’s trying to make me jealous. I don’t know if Yunho could be that petty. I don’t know if Seonghwa would _let_ him act that petty.”

“Seonghwa will give you sage advice, but he’ll still let you dig your own grave if that’s what you’re dead-set on doing.” Eden said. “He’ll even act as your shovel, if you ask.”

“That doesn’t seem like… a good thing?” Hongjoong murmured.

“It’s not. It’s the greatest flaw in his character.” Eden admitted.

“Did I just hear something _other_ than hero-worship for Seonghwa from you? Has the world ended?” Hongjoong gaped overdramatically.

“Fuck you, this wasn’t a conversation about _my_ character flaws.” Eden sniped.

“Right. I expect petty behavior from _you._ I’m still on the fence about Yunho though. After what he said…” Hongjoong sighed.

Eden raised his eyebrows at him, prompting him for the full story. Eventually, he caved.

“Yunho… told me I don’t deserve him. Seonghwa.”

“He’s right.” Eden replied bluntly. “Call it hero worship if you want, but none of us do. Except, that doesn’t really matter, does it? Seonghwa wouldn’t agree with that for a second, so why let it bother you?”

“Not all of us can just shut down our emotional response to shit, you know.” Hongjoong bit back.

“Then don’t shut it down. Confront it.” He reasoned.

“No.” Hongjoong grunted, setting down the pistol and leaving the forge. He at least had the courtesy to not slam the door on his way out.

Eden sighed, picking up the gun and turning it over absently in his grip.

This couldn’t go on, but he felt powerless to stop it.

Hongjoong would just have to move past it in his own time.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, you can find me on twt and cc @VermillionVamp


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